Weird Stuff Kids Say Part 2: Darth Naked

from Moriah Densley’s private collection of Blackmail Photos. © All rights reserved.

Ready for more kid humor?  Today I have a new list for you, taken from the “Kids Log” I’ve kept since 2005 to capture the crazy goings-on at my house.  You can catch up if you missed On Filial Cannibalism – and- Weird Stuff Kids Say, Part 1.
Sometimes the humor comes from my music students or my friends’ children.  Unfortunately, sometimes I’m the one who [unintentionally] gives everyone a laugh.  (Came out of my mouth yesterday:  “It’s a spider, not the apocalypse!”)  Ahem.  Well, enjoy.

1.  To get to the freeway, I took a shortcut through a rough neighborhood in Las Vegas.  The twins (age 5) in the backseat noticed a boarded-up corner bar that had probably hit its stride in the 80s.

Panda Boy:  “Ooh, look.  That’s where zombies live.”

Baby Princess:  “No, silly.  Zombies are fake.  Terrorists live there.  We should make a sign: Beware of the terrorists.”

2.  Overheard in a Sunday school lesson:

Teacher:  “What should you do in the morning, before you eat, and before you go to bed?” (prompting the children to answer, “Pray.”)

4-yr-old boy:  “Go potty!”

3.  I caught then-4-yr-old Flirty Boy running around the house wearing absolutely nothing but a superhero cape.  I asked what on earth he was doing.  He said, “I’m Naked Man!”

4.  Baby Princess (5):  “When I see something cute, I just want to squeeze the heck out of it!”

5.  Panda Boy (5), out grocery shopping with Dad:  “Hey Dad, can we get something I want?”

Dad:  “What do you want to get?”

Panda Boy:  “I don’t know, let’s start with the toy section.  Where is the toy section?”

6.  Just came out of my mouth:  “Stop choking each other, and clean your room!”

7.  My friend was watching To Catch a Thief (1955, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly).  Her then-5-yr-old daughter watched too, but she looked perplexed.

Girl:  “What happened to the color?”

Mom:  “It’s an old movie, in black and white.”

Girl:  “Then we should have watched it when it was new.”

8.  Panda Boy, trying his hand at flirting, sidled up to one of my violin students, a pretty 10-yr-old girl, and winked.  “Psst.  Hey, I’ll buy you a pink Iron Man suit.  Or what’s your favorite color?”

9.  Decked out in a superhero costume and looking very serious, Flirty Boy (then 4) sat huddled by Baby Princess (then 6 mos) in her bouncy chair.  I asked what was going on.

Flirty Boy:  “She’s my partner.  She’s Supergirl.”

Me:  “Great.  But what does she do?”

Flirty Boy:  “Well, mostly she just sits there, but she does have powers.  Red stuff comes out of her eyes, and it gets the bad guys.”

Me:  “You mean laser beams?”

Flirty Boy:  “Yes!  That’s it.”  Then he turned back to Baby Princess, consulting her about what to do with the bad guys.

10.  As it drew near Drama Boy’s 5th birthday, I sat him down and asked what was on his wish list.  I had to write fast:

“Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione toys.  An airplane like Uncle Murrey’s.  More Clone Troopers.  Go, Diego Go video.  I wish I could have a green Buzz Lightyear, Jessie and Bullseye.  Probably, new Star Wars guys.  More fruit, and a new suitcase, and a new violin for my birthday.  And I wish that I could play the piano.  And I want all of the Shrek toys, and Nemo, and Incredibles. Hmm, and a new black fish to put in that tank.” (The old one died.)

“I’d like to grow up on my birthday.  And I’d love a black Batman suit, and a speeder bike, and I’d like a new fan for you, because that would be a good present, but it’s not your birthday, is it?  Oh, and new tools, and new diesel trucks – green, purple, brown, and black – those trucks, okay?  And a new toy house, another Superman, and a notebook.  And let’s not get a black fish, let’s get a blue fish.”

He finally takes a breath, but he’s not done.  “I’ll take numbers for my birthday.”

Me:  “What do you mean, numbers?”

Drama Boy:  “One, two, three, four, five…” (and on to 20). “That’s what I mean.  And new water for my bathtub.  And I’d like Cinderella, and Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, yeah that will be great.  Oh, and I like letters.  A, B, C, D, E, F, G…” (and on through X, Y, and Z).  “I like those letters.  And new shampoo, and a new drain for my bathtub.  I’d like Penguin and Joker and Catwoman.  I’d like new towels too, and new toothbrushes for Mom and Dad.  Did I say semi-trucks?  A blue and a red one?  And some new droids from Star Wars, and light sabers: green, blue, purple, red.  No, two blue light sabers, so we can be Anakin and Obi-Wan.  And new video games for my computer.  And that’s all.”

  • As always, I’d love to hear your funny kid stories.  Post here in the comments or send a message using the “Links” tab.  Entertain us!

Read On Filial Cannibalism – and – Weird Stuff Kids Say, Part 1

Read Weird Stuff Kids Say – Part 3

Comments

  1. Have a new one just from today: we took bebe to an outlet – it has a train that picks up and drops off as you shop – because Peter Cottontail was there. We get on the train, bebe’s got her rabbit ears on and looks around. She pats me on the knee and says, ‘I feel bad for that little boy.’ she pointed. ‘his mom is making him wear bunny ears. Doesn’t she know boys should never wear bunny ears? Or headbands?’ was soooo glad she spoke softly. And I did feel bad for the little boy – he had to be at least 5 and looked miserable in the ears.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Missed the first two in the “Weird Stuff Kids Say” series? Catch up on Part 1 and Part 2. […]

  2. […] glimpse of the Double Trouble life.   Need to catch up? Check out Part 1: On Filial Cannibalism, Part 2: “Darth Naked,” and Part 3: Impeccable Timing.   […]

  3. […] Weird Stuff Kids Say Part 2: Darth Naked […]

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