Thank you so much Moriah for allowing me to host your blog! I’ve really enjoyed your “Weird Stuff Kids Say” series, and I’m honored to be asked to add my own funny/exasperated moments. Of which, I have an embarrassing plethora to choose from.
Quick introduction—I’m a still-unpublished but forever hopeful writer of Historical Romance. Seven years ago I left my job at a CBS affiliate where I wrote/produced television commercials and a weekly, local television show to raise my boy/girl twins—a job that is more challenging, rewarding, and outright wonderful than anything I’ve ever experienced. Add to this that we’ve recently adopted a Great Pyrenees/Black Lab mix puppy. He’s three months old now, and the vet is already snickering at his size and recommending we move to “Large Breed” puppy food as opposed to “Normal, aka, not the size of a small horse” size puppy food.
Being a mom means sometimes I say or overhear some seriously weird things. Here are some of the latest highlights…
1. No, I’m not making you a Spagettios sandwich.
(Upon further pondering, I’m rethinking this one. Maybe they’re onto something? I mean, people eat Sloppy Joes right? Can’t be much different.)
2. My scarf is not a jump rope.
(In saying this, I had to put aside my pride at how well my daughter was jumping. I mean, someone has to be the grown-up here)
3. Why is the dog sitting at the kitchen table?
(Little did I know I would soon restate this, except it would be “Why is the dog STANDING ON the kitchen table.”)
4. My son and I were on the couch, staring at our new puppy frolicking about the living room. I asked my son, “Do you think puppy is getting bigger?” Just then, the puppy ran directly into a wall. My son thought for a moment, and then replied, “Yes, but not smarter.”
5. A box of 100 crayons hit the floor in the kitchen with a fantastic, clattering crash. Girl Twin frantically states to Boy Twin, “Help me pick these up, or puppy will eat these and poop out pink!”
(I have to admit, that would be a funny sight to behold.)
6. Girl Twin makes the afternoon snack of two bowls of crackers, and then calls her brother in the kitchen. She picks the bowl with less crackers, much to Boy Twin’s surprise, until she says this…“Here, you can have the bigger bowl. They all fell on the ground anyway.”
(I worked as a waitress during high school and part of college and can attest to the old saying of never irritate the chef.)
7. While I was holed up writing my latest future best seller J, my wonderful husband decided it would be fun to let our twins watch the show “Finding Bigfoot”. When the show ended, our twins were of course too scared to go down the hallway, so my hubby gave the following reassurances:
“You know there’s no Squatch in the bathroom so just go brush your teeth.”
“No self-respecting Squatch is going to go in your room; it’s too messy in there.”
8. Me to twins, “Quit calling the puppy’s bottom “The Poopy Hole”.
9. Me to twins, “Both of you need to quit licking the floor right now!”
(They were three years old at the time, but that doesn’t really make it any better.)
10. And finally, here’s something I said about ten minutes ago, “Quit trying to hypnotize the cat and get out of this room. I need to write this article for Moriah’s blog!”
Readers, do you have your own funny/weird stories to share? I’d love to hear from you!
Visit Christi Corbett’s blog: http://christicorbett.wordpress.com for more hilarious stories, such as CSI Mommy, Episode: “I didn’t do it!” More kid humor recommended by Christi: Family Guy – Lois Mom Mum Mommy