Forget the Nobel Prize and Carnegie Hall, sometimes my sole ambition for my children is that they grow up to stay out of jail. You might think I’m being melodramatic, but does the school principal have you on speed dial? Does your first grader climb the flagpole or moon his classmates at recess? Don’t get me started on the “kissing” incidents.
Go ahead, laugh it up. It’s less amusing for me, responsible for the character development of the four little souls whose penchant for mischief can only be explained if the “Mother’s Curse” is real. You know, “I hope one day you have a kid who’s just like you!” My mom just laughs and laughs when I call to commiserate.
For your amusement, here are a few lines I overheard my six-year-old son say the past week. Remember Panda Boy? Nick-named after Kung-Fu Panda for his barrel-like physique and ability to climb almost anything? My doorways are framed on all three sides by footprints of a suspicious size, which he swears are not his. Panda Boy doesn’t just get into trouble; it’s practically his middle name.
“When I grow up, I want to be a robber. The kind who doesn’t get caught.”
“Can you blow up a balloon and chew gum at the same time?”
“I wouldn’t really blame [big brother] for getting grounded. It was Satan, he tricked me.”
His homemade Mother’s Day card to me: “I love you like old people love chicken.”
“I kissed Tiffany hanging upside down on the monkey bars. I made a big fool of myself.”
“I was walking down the hall, wearing [twin sister’s] dress, and I realized, I’m a man!”
This kid packed his own suitcase for a weekend trip to grandma’s house. Glad I inspected his bag before he left: 7 pairs underwear, and 1 Batman action figure. That’s all he thought he needed.
I know. I have my hands full…