PART 2 – Men Speak Out: What They Love and Hate About Women

Image: Roland Tanglao via Flickr: http://flic.kr/p/5NHBG

Welcome to Part 2 of Men Speak Out: What They Love and Hate About Women.  On Monday in Part 1, our anonymous panel of Manly Men discussed what makes them respect a woman, what women get wrong about men, and what turns them on or off.  If you want to catch up, read that article here.

Today’s article includes: How he fell in love with his woman or what he’s looking for in a woman, and what message he has for all the women in the world.

Again, I’ve compiled the best answers from the respondents, 100% genuine and unedited (but censored when necessary):

4:  What made you fall in love with your woman?  How did you know she was The One?

—  When she walked into the room, the entire place lit up.  The whole room brightened and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

—  Fell in love because she was a hard worker (if she wanted something, she worked for it and didn’t wait for a handout from Daddy or something), enjoyable to be around, and beautiful, to name a few reasons.

—  She was independent, willful, a redhead, soft and cuddly, and she could do or learned to do everything I liked to do.

—  I fell in love with her because I first thought she was pretty, then later I grew to know her and realized that I could live the rest of my life with her.  We had many hobbies and viewpoints in life in common.

—  I love my wife because she is so cute and sweet.  We share our humor and are on the same level of “goofy.”  She is a lot of fun and she is beautiful.

—  It’s a difficult thing to rationalize.  It almost felt like the decision had been made for me.  I don’t mean by her, but by some other force – I felt like it was something I wasn’t in control of.  And I resisted it.  I wanted to resist it on one level because of apparent superficial differences in our background and outlook.  And then as time went by, and as time continues to go by, it’s like a slow continuing process of understanding that that original force I didn’t have control of, knew what was best for me and understood all the infinite compatibilities there were between us, even though I wasn’t aware of them all…

There was also this sense, when we met, of wanting to spend as much time with her or close to her as possible.  So if we were in a group, as we often were, you could almost always find me looking at her to see what she was doing, or wanting to be near her…

This was where I wanted to be, it was where I was happiest.  We just found ourselves spending loads of time together and friends started making comments to me.  I didn’t feel like I was consciously trying to seduce her – in fact, I was trying hard to resist because of these surface incompatibilities.

5:  Don’t have a woman?  What are the most important qualities you are looking for in a woman?

—  The initial attraction is based on things like: Is she confident?  Does she have a positive attitude?  Carries herself well, dresses nicely?  That’s on the surface.  That would lead to seeing personality types; is she easy-going, light-hearted, and fun?  Similar interests, goals?

—  Attractiveness: the hair, the smile, the figure.  Does she like to get a little physical and flirty?

—  Nice legs, beautiful toes, pretty face, promising lips.

—  People tend to look for a “match,” a person of (probably) the same race, body type, age, level of “attractiveness,” social background/status, level of education, income, religious background, etc.  Of course, all of the above could be present, but that’s not a guarantee those two people will really be good for each other.  Sometimes “opposites attract,” (like Paula Abdul and that animated ghetto cat in the video from the ‘80s *smiles*)…

I look for a Partner in that match – the only way, in my opinion, to build a balanced and harmonious relationship – as opposed to “looking for somebody to take care of me” (because I can’t solve my own problems, etc.), or if I am the strong and powerful guy who is looking for a pretty girl to add to my collection of pretty items and such.  A relationship is also unbalanced when one is much smarter than the other, a gap in educational background, gap in social status, income, etc.  This could work to a certain extent under the form of symbiosis.  But I look for Inspiration. Somebody to make me dream, have fantasies, be creative – opening a whole new horizon in my life…

Again, I look for inspiration – a state of mind in which I feel an overflow of creative energies, or feel like the person stimulates me spiritually, to experience a “stillness in time” – a momentum in which somebody touches your most intimate, pure and deep parts of who you are, a moment of truth, of unity with the cosmos, etc.  Somebody who I think is different, and she is in fact different because the intensity of the connection will make you feel special, and you are special in this case, because a deep connection is a rare and special interaction.

—  The question is not formulated very well.  “Don’t have a woman?”  After all, it is my understanding men don’t “have” their women, as this implies ownership, so while I understand the meaning of the question, still if you expect a precise answer you need a more precise question to begin with.  “Don’t have a woman?” – sounds like an ad in a newspaper. (smiles) Or maybe I am overly complicating the whole point.

6:  If you had the world’s largest megaphone and 30 seconds to have the undivided attention of every woman on earth, what would you say?

—  (crickets chirping)

—  “Sorry, I’m taken!”

—  “Show us your _____!”

—  Guys really don’t like being put on the spot when you ask about weight – if they look fat, or are they heavy.  It’s a lose-lose situation.  We answer honestly, we get in trouble.  We lie, we get in trouble.

—  I think I would sound like a total idiot, because I have no clue.

—  I would read this poem, Why Women Cry, Watch Her Eyes.

—  “Stop trying to take over the world!” (laughs)

—  “If you want to be treated like a lady, then act like a lady.  If you want to be treated equally, like a man, then expect to be treated like a man and don’t complain if you don’t like what you get.  You can have one or the other – you can’t have both.  (Repeat for 30 seconds.)”

—  Mainly I would encourage them to keep up their moral standards and not fall into the rut of conformity, to where they think they have to wear skimpy clothes, smoke, drink, or do drugs to fit in and be accepted.  They do not need to compromise their chastity to make a guy like them.  Don’t be afraid to change crowds if the one they are with demands that they compromise their values to be accepted.

—  I’m smart, I want to live – I wouldn’t say anything.

7:  Any other comments?

—  “Relax.  Be cool.  You’re great.  And don’t put up with any **** from men.”

—  “You all ought to be feminists.”

—  I used to tell all my friends and family that I would never get married, have kids or even want anything other than an arm decoration, really.  I’m extremely grateful I changed my viewpoints and gave myself a chance to be happy.  Without the love that I get from having a caring female companion that loves me, I would just be lost in the world.

*  A special thank-you to our panel for their candidness and willingness to participate.  It wasn’t all about the Outback giveaway; most of them mentioned something along the lines of, “I like to brag about my wife!”

And if that isn’t enough to convince you these are swoon-worthy Manly Men, you should know that one of them declined the restaurant gift card in favor of a donation to Futures Without Violence.  *sigh*  My hero.

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